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I'm a chubby chick who recently turned 40... and I'm tired of being fat and miserable! Come along and share my journey to lose 200 pounds and gain a healthier and happier me by simply taking it one day at a time and doing the best that I can each day!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Day 1 - The First Day of the Rest of My Life

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I started this blog exactly 4 months ago on August 16, 2007. In the past 4 months, I've lost a lot of weight, and... sadly... I've gained a lot of weight. It's been an emotional and physical roller coaster, to say the least. But I'm still here. And I'm not giving up. I am continuing to persevere.

I've reevaluated my goals. My first goal, at the weight of 368.4 lbs., was to lose exactly 200 pounds and reach 168.4 lbs. I've thought a lot about that, and I'm not sure that is a realistic weight for me. I probably haven't weighed that amount since 5th grade. When I was 13, I weighed around 200 pounds, and I didn't look bad. I looked normal. So my new goal is to reach 190 pounds. 190 seems much more attainable, and having that as my new goal seems to have lifted a huge burden from my shoulders.

That being said, as of today, for me to reach 190 pounds, I need to lose exactly 185 pounds. If you do the math, you can see that I now weigh 375 pounds. It's hard to type that number and actually see it staring back at me. I'm sad about that, because it reveals that I have gained back all the weight that I lost in the past 4 months, plus 6.6 pounds.

That's the bad news. The good news is... I actually had the courage to step on the scale and post my weight today. I'm not ignoring the weight gain, and I'm not surprised. I could tell that my clothes were fitting tighter, and I estimated that my weight was 370. So I was only 5 pounds off.

I'm recommitting to my lifestyle change today. I'm recommitting to losing this weight in a healthy manner. I'm recommitting to documenting my food intake with my FitDay Journal. I'm recommitting to Thursday weigh-ins. I'm recommitting to exercise.

But most importantly... I am committing to being kind to myself (thanks, Carol) and taking care of myself. I didn't say I was REcommitting to being kind to myself and taking care of myself, because I have never done that. I've always taken care of others and put my own health and feelings last. I can't do that anymore. I won't do that anymore. I have got to lose this weight FOR ME. I deserve to be healthy and happy. I deserve to enjoy life at a healthy weight. I deserve to be the woman that I always wanted to be.

I've learned a lot over the past 4 months. I've discovered how easy it is to give in to behavior that sabotages my weight loss efforts. I've discovered just how closely linked my emotions and my eating habits are. I've discovered that to lose weight and keep it off... I have to deal with my emotional issues in a non-destructive manner. When I learn to do that on a daily basis, food won't even be an issue for me. I will view eating simply as what it is... a necessary function in order to sustain life... not life itself.

I've also learned how wonderful you all are. You've stood by me and supported me and encouraged me even when I failed and whined. You all never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So... today is IT... the first day of the rest of my life. As I wrote many months ago... "this lifestyle change is going to lead to only good things." I'm looking forward to those "good things." And I hope you'll all be here to share them with me.


groovybabe said...

Good on you! I tried so many times to lose weight before I actually did and I only did because I did not give up so good on you for persevering.

If I were you I would just concentrate on mini goals and not even worry about your final weight. Just aim to get into the next ten group (so say youre 385, aim to get into the 370's) thats what I did and it worked. If I thought too much about the fact that I had to lose 130lbs then I probably would have ended up 130lbs heavier, not lighter lol.

john - from fat to fit said...

It takes a lot of courage to get up and dust yourself off like this, especially in public. It looks to me like your head is in the right place. Good luck to you!

Once Upon A Dieter said...


You're very brave to post this. I know I really, really hate doing posts where I've regained. I feel like a dork. But, I know that being honest is necessary to face up to my own eating issues.

Let's face it: Food is comforting. It makes you feel good. It has memories of youth. That satisfied tummy feeling is like being a baby and safe and ready to nap away all our troubles.

But being grown-up is all about saying no to things that are harmful, no matter how comforting--be it cigarettes, excess food, excess alcohol, excess anything.

I always want to enjoy food. It's a basic pleasure. But I want to enjoy it in moderation.

I want us both to get a hold of the emotional eating and gain new habits. One day, if I meet you before Heaven, I'd like us both to say, "Look, we're both at our goal weights. YIPPEE!"

So, glad to see that you're back on the wagon, sugarpie.

Let the losses rack up!

The Princess

Once Upon A Dieter said...

Oh, and like GroovyBabe, I tend to focus on the next "decade." That is, the next block of numbers down. When I was in the 290's, I aimed for 280's; when in 280's, I aimed for 270's.

Now, I'm looking at that 269 with a longing eye. Just want to get into the 260's and worry about THEM for a while.

If I think about being UNDER 200, I start to freak, cause it's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo far away. And the goal weight: It's enough to give a girl a headache.

So, yeah, just focus on something closer. Say, 360. Or being in the 360's. And just focus on that and forget 190 for a spell. You'll get there, in time.


Christine said...

Oh girl - your post today even got me excited! I am all over IT again too - I have had a great few days and I have never felt better. Super excited for you.

Carol said...

Hurrah! I'm so happy for you! Something you might want to consider, to avoid being stressed by too lofty goals, is to make your initial goal 50 or 100 pounds. Then when you reach that goal, re-evaluate and decide what your next goal will be. After all, we NEVER reach a final goal because we'll ALWAYS have an ultimate goal of maintaining. Also, that way you can enjoy the success of the journey, rather than narrowly defining success by reaching the total weight loss goal.

Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint! Be good to yourself and enjoy your journey!

Krissie said...

There's a lot of confession and recommitting in the blogsphere right now. You aren't alone, sweetie.

I have no idea what my goal weight will be. At this point, I just want to change the direction the scale is moving.

Take care of yourself. And stick with it!

exfatgirl said...

Good for you! You can do this!

Heather said...

that is a great entry (and I love the xmas layout at the top).

I thikn you are right about your goals. why not pick smaller goals to get to? I do that for me. when I look at it and think, I have 20 pounds to lose, I feel overwhelmed. but then when I say, ok first get in the 170s, then get to 175, so on, it makes it a lot easier. so why dont you start with something smaller and work your way down the scale.

I think by making any sort of "mistakes" you have learned what to do and waht not to do. you know what needs to be done to get to your goal weight and I know you will get there.I think you will be all the more appreciative when you do.

Leigh said...

I am so glad to hear that you are back to it! Good for you! I am too, although I have been neglecting my blog.

Scale Junkie said...

Its the perseverance that sets you apart from the other times you've tried in the past. I set my goal weight at 175 or 180 and like you, I was probably in the 6th grade when I last weighed that...honestly, when I hit 199 I'm going to celebrate...but not with food.

I'm having my ups and downs but we are putting it out there for the world to see, take the good with the bad. I'm here to celebrate with you and I'm here to take your hand when you fall and help you back up.

Trish said...

You go girl!

I love the idea of rewarding yourself!

*Doing happy dance for you*



Yay! Go you girl! I'm glad you're getting back on the wagon. You can do it and this will be your year!

Shannon said...

((((( CC )))))

That is wonderful!!!!! Welcome to the first day of the rest of you life :) You are amazingly strong, you are going to do it! You are stronger then I am. I started this blog for the first time about a year ago... I last a month and had gained more weight then my start day so I deleted my blog. I was too ashamed and embarassed to post about what was going on. So I quit. It took me 9 months to come back. You have not walked away or deleted your blog. You are being honest with yourself about what is going on. I can't wait to see what is in store for you during this journey!

Minke said...

You are an amazing person. I know how hard it is to deal with the gains... especially in public... but this is a great step in moving toward the LOSS.

I really believe that 90% of weight loss is the mental battle, or the ability to really REALLY want it, more than the comfort or satisfaction or reward of food.

It's a rough road at times, but the rewards are so great... the first thing to do is step on to that road, and I really beleive it doesn't matter when you step on, or how many times you step on, as long as you keep your goals in sight and keep on walking.

Hanlie said...

I'm proud of you! And I'm with you all the way!

Saffa Chick said...

Yay! Welcome back to the fight, refreshed and recommitted ;-). And with a far more achievable goal. I have a question though - what weight were you when you met your hubby? Would that be more achievable? That's when he fell in love with you, so it's a happy weight right?

Don't be embarrassed about your new start point - when I decided to start blogging my weight journey I immediately gained 2lb - and I was "only" trying to lose about 16lb in the first place... how shameful!

I thought I'd be there by xmas, and I'm only a third of the way because my willpower is so awful. You are not alone - we are all fighting the good fight, and winning by inches...

To mis-quote somebody out there "you can't succeed if you don't even try..."

Kery said...

Being honest about regaining is sure always hard, so I think you deserve even more kudos to post about it and start again with renewed determination. :)

If there must be one positive thing in this, anyway, it's that we always learn from our failures. What behaviours do us in. That we need to be kinder to ourselves. That maybe looking at it with baby steps in mind is better and more encouraging than letting a huge, faraway goal frighten us away. Etc.

Good luck on this new part of your journey!

Sonya said...

You post got me so excited for you!
Good luck going forward. I know it took a lot of courage to get on the scale and type that post.
Good for you, hun! Good for you!

Twix said...

Wow! This post makes me feel joyful! I am so happy to hear your positive attitude change. You are going to do this. Trust me, you will! High five!!

Sorry this has taken me a bit to comment. I have been out shopping all day in the slush and ice.

(((ChubbyChick))) You are awesome girl!!! :D

Melanie said...

Your attitude is so inspiring to me. I have been in a slump lately too and unlike you, I've decided that I'm going to change my ways on the first day of the new year. It may seem as though I'm chickening out, but I just can't do this right now during one of the most stressful times of the year. I give you much credit for your commitment and recommitment. Bravo! Keep inspiring me, I sure need it! Thanks and many hugs!

moosegirl said...

Check out your email, your blog has won an award! ;)

Seasons Greetings from the UK


Nancy said...

Congrats on recommitting to your goals. I agree with a lot of the posters here that the mini goals are the way to go. For every 10 pounds, you can reward yourself with a manicure, pedicure, even detailing for your car or something. I've always struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I think everyone no matter what their weight has weight issues. I just take things day by day and celebrate those little victories with something fun. It's hard to recognize what you are doing wrong until you've already done it, like me licking the bowls to all the cookies I made this past weekend), but we learn from it and move on. I wish you nothing but luck, and look forward to reading your journey!

Anonymous said...

Good for you! The first step is admitting where you are. Now figure out how you are going to get to a healthy weight. But take it in steps. Take one day at a time. Plan your meals on the weekend for the week. Keep the treats out of your kitchen! Good luck!

Mindy said...

Good for you! You can do it.

Teale said...

I will absolutely be here to share in those moments (good and bad) with you! I am not the best blogger these days... life gets in the way, I guess(!), but I am definately here for all my fab friends on here!

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